two cousins try to get along. only time will tell if the blonde one will ever accept love.
updated: 01.26.07
01.23.07 - i receive a trick email, foisted upon me by my wicked cousin melissa:
Subject: Reading Test
This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 50 years of age can't do it!

  1. This is this cat
  2. This is is cat
  3. This is how cat
  4. This is to cat
  5. This is keep cat
  6. This is an cat
  7. This is old cat
  8. This is fart cat
  9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down, and I betcha you can't resist passing it on!

i respond:
   ha, i skipped to the punch line. it only kept this old fart busy 5 seconds.

01.24.07 - she shows her hurtfullness:
   Some old farts do have Attention Deficit Disorder and can't concentrate for 40 seconds so they would jump right to the end.

i respond lovingly:
   some old farts simply can not be fooled by the juvenile nonsense mailed out by nuisance relatives with too much time on their hands in a vain attempt to get over on them. uh huh.

01.25.07 - she attacks:
   some old farts make futile attempts to explain away their deficiencies by belittling others. if it makes you feel better to attack me, i guess i'll have to say i'm here for you. i wouldn't want your delicate old fart faculties to overload and push you over the edge. it's all about you, of course, and we all just want you to feel good about yourself, no matter what the cost. uh huh.

i defend:
   some may mistaken 'belittling others' for speaking the truth. their inferiority complexities harbor deep seated emotional insecurities and as such, create a world of paranoiac displacement where they assume everyone is attacking them, when in fact, they are the attacker in every instance. old farts like me can only acknowledge such attacks as a sorrowful display of misguided anger in the hopes such others seek help for their mental instabilities, no matter what the cost or how blonde they may be. oh yeah.

01.26.07 - again she pounds me with a full on attack:
   "some may mistaken (sic) 'belittling others' for speaking the truth. their inferiority complexities harbor deep seated emotional insecurities and as such, create a world of paranoiac displacement where they assume everyone is attacking them, when in fact, they are the attacker in every instance." very accurate in your case. your need to project your character flaws and weaknesses on others, especially family members who love you, is a cry for help. your need for acceptance and love makes you strike out at everyone just for any kind of attention, even if it means using the most sophomoric of attacks - attacks on hair color, specifically blonde. if you could just realize it's okay to be you, it's okay to be an old fart, and it's okay not to be as perfect as other family members, you could get past your insecurities and finally understand that you are accepted and loved as you are; flaws included. please seek professional help before your insecurities and paranoia lead you down a tragic path and leave the family wondering what more we could have done to help you. oh yeah.

i show my selflessness:
   poor poor cousin, to assume my words are actually speaking for any perceived condition i may possess, proves just how far gone you are. i fully understand the undying love i feel from the hordes of friends, family, and total strangers that may venture within mere feet of my emanating aura. it is the burden i must bear and i am up for the challenge. fear not, dear cousin, as just being within the same family caste as i, you will reap the vast rewards of association. you may cast dispersions upon me, place a crown of thorns upon my head, and twist my words around in a vain attempt to pull me asunder. that is all well and i can bear the hurt. i do it for you. i do it for your child. i will continue to suffer the slings and arrows of your hurtful verbiage in the everlasting hope that one day, you can cast away the hate you hold within your blackened heart and re-awaken your soul, which lies dead within your empty shell. praised be me.