updated: 10.23.04

   hello and welcome to the heyou confessional. you all sin from time to time. some of you sin all the time. you do weird things daily and wonder the ramifications of your deeds. what will they mean when you pass on to the vast unknown afterlife?
   i am here to help you. i am as qualified as anyone to forgive your misdeeds and wrongful doings and i don't touch boys.
read my responses.
Sean, Dallas, Bless me goofball, for I have sinned, I never told this 'cause I knew I'd go strait to hell, but since then I...well im goin' there anyways,so I went to a catholic school in NY, OLQM,(you said initials!) They beat my ass for everything, I guess Im lucky that's all they did, (I am a male) Well it pissed me off. Pissed me off so much I pissed in the holy water thing on the wall as you come in the door.The next day in church (we had to go each morning before school) I laughed so hard, I got my ass whooped again and again and again. I couldn't stop laughin' an cryin' at the same time, I almost got kicked out of school. I made up some lie about why I was laughing, and after about the fifth or sixth smack up side the head with one of those rulers with a metal insert, my head was bleedin' too much too laugh anymore, I guess Im not sure of the real damage they did to me, but I still laugh thinkin about Sisters V, P, & S blessin' themselves with piss. Somebody's gotta forgive me! Bless ya all-to-hell if ya do! I'll see ya there! they deserved it. you are forgiven.
krush0ne, seattle, WA, USA, Forgive me I have sinned. I managed a Papa Murphy's pizza in Edmonds WA. On my last day of work I dipped my nutsack in the parmesan cheese shaker we use for topping our uncooked pizzas. I labeled the container "spingatti" (some strange name i made up for the nut-cheese concoction) and asked happily if our customers would like to try our new "herb cheese blend", spingatti on thier pizza. It was a hit, they all love it. hey, as long as everyone loves it, maybe you should market the stuff. i'll pass, however. you are forgiven.
Jenni, Tulsa, Ok., When my brother (3 years older than me) and I were young (Grade school) My parents took us to the store before summer break was over so we could get a new school lunch box. Since my brother is colorblind he asked me to help him pick out a black one. So I helped him with a pretty purple one. He carried a purple lunch box all through Elementary school and some of 6th grade. oh the foibles of youth. practical jokes such as these are encoded in our dna. it's genetic and you can't stop it. we can not help ourselves in these situations, as they come naturally and are not sinful at all. nothing to forgive here.
chadders, I have so much to confess, that I think a new page needs to be added for just me. Anyhoo, yesterday my roommate wants me to come and spring him from jail. He told me where to get the bail cash from his own money supply, so I had no financial risk. I told him I couldn't because I had car trouble. The truth was, I was watching "The Simpsons" and I wanted to watch it to the end and then go to sleep. It was a rerun, by the way. obviously you knew your roommate belonged in jail and to save the public from his evil ways, you decided he needed to stay in jail awhile longer. maybe next time, the show won't be a re-run. you are forgiven.
ellen, somerset, nj., I have a confession for you. I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. after i found out i invited him over for dinner then i served him spaghetti and meatballs. the joke on him is that i had my period and added my blood to the sauce. he liked it so much he asked for seconds. then i dumped him. want to come over for dinner? you are so funny. what a great prank. thanks for the offer, but i just ate. you are forgiven.
ron, detroit, michigan, i am a man who is married. I am sexually attracted to men. i am also starting to have feelings for my wifes brother. we spend alot of time together. fishing, and hunting. I want to kiss him so bad it hurts. i know it's a sin. i would like to get you and the girl who linked you in a mad orgy. you are so wrong on many levels. the best part of your submission is the visual i get seeing you suddenly kiss your brother-in-law during a hunting trip and he cold cocks you with the butt of his rifle, if not outright shoots you dead. the worst part is when you hit on me. please tell your wife to leave you. you are not forgiven. i need to shower now, i feel all icky.
dennis, north carolina, i have a confession. i love to wear womens under wear to dance and prance all over my house in them. i want to share this with my girl but i am afraid she will not like it. i am not gay either i was looking at this big boobed chick before i linked here. boy i would love to wear her bra panties. do you wear her panties?? great site dude. sorry it took so long to respond to your confession, but i was laughing too hard. what's with the prancing? never confess to prancing! stop prancing! your girl friend will not like you stretching out all her sexy frillies. ugh, the thought of you prancing around with your hairy ass hanging out of a skimpy thong makes me retch. be a man and wear your own under garments. as for the big boobed chick i know, yeah, i wear all her shit, but i don't prance! you are forgiven, unless you continue prancing.
running bear, a reservation in conneticut, I am mohegian pure blood man and love all white women. My family is dead set against me ever being or marrying a white woman. problem is i am only attracted to them. not my own kind. i am ashamed that i feel this way. but i can't help it. I long to have a white woman. I love looking at them. I wish i could change my familys and people minds. so i could date one openly. found you on a beautiful white womans link i love your site guy i will suggest it to my friends. who doesn't like beautiful white women? how can you be faulted for that? i see no sin here. go grab up a hot white babe. you are forgiven
Jonathan, Houston, Texas, I really don't feel bad or anything...but last year i made a ditzy instant message screen name and posed as a bi chic. I duped the biggest idiot into thinking that this extremely hot chic (pictures taken from a decent porn site) actually liked him... After 'she' got him to shave a few body parts and almost commit suicide a couple of times, I posted the conversations on all of his favorite message boards. He hasn't dared get online since. if you want more details about it, im sure i can furnish them. a certain me i won't mention posed as a chat chick before. it can be great sport getting dumb ass guys to do as you please, then exposing them as the idiots they are. i see no sin here. great job. you are forgiven
cindy, honululu, i am a woman who secretly likes to look at other woman sexually. I really want to see them all naked. it makes me so hot. I would love one day to touch hold and kiss another woman. But i am a married woman with 4 kids. I was trying to look at that woman who's linked you apparently your pages came up i did enjoy all your picture especially the ones of the half dressed women. I know it is a sin to feel this way. i wish i could be with a woman just once. where's the sin? who doesn't want to be with women sexually? if you get the opportunity, act on it. you will never forgive yourself if you miss out on a chance at that. preserving the moment in pictures to share with others is also a welcoming thought. you are forgiven
Jake, Liverpoole, england, I am a 40 something year old married gentleman who can't stop fantazing about american women on the web. My wife has made me pack away our computer. But what she doesn't know is that I have bought a lap top and now everywhere I go I bring these american women with me. I can't help myself they are so enchanting, more than my wife even. I only wish that when me and my wife make love I could set up my laptop to help me get my willys off. i've seen your wife and what you need is a fine american woman to get your "willys" off with. perhaps you wish to exchange pictures of women in various stages of undress. i see nothing wrong with that. you are forgiven
Chadly, GA., HeyYou, I think I may have sinned or something. About a week ago this jerk at work took credit for my work in a meeting and scored major points with the boss. In retaliation, I slipped a couple of raw shrimp down the leg of his modular desk and put the cap back on. I just went down there and it's really beginning to smell. He thinks somebody spilled something on the carpet or something. It's really swee - ur, sinful. So whadd'ya say, can we wipe the slate clean? you have done nothing wrong, my son. it might be disagreeable to this turd you work with, but he had it coming. it's almost the same as when i, i mean, someone i know, taped a partially filled milk carton under a similar asswipe's desk. walking by his cubical days later was cause for sly grin. you are forgiven
Joe X., Canada, I threw candies at people from the top of the vatican when I was in Rome last week. I felt guilty because of the particular choice of locale. No I don't know if I actually hit anyone. you failed to indicate what kind of candy you threw. perhaps you should feel most guilty for wasting good candy. were they 'sweet tarts'? 'spree'? root beer barrels? it would be a sin to waste those. if they were candy corn or the more damnable orange and black wax paper wrapped peanut butter taffy monstrosities that cheap ass bastards hand out at halloween, well then, what harm was really done? you weren't high enough to cause serious injuries and to be honest, after about a hour at the vatican, you are about bored to tears and throwing anything is a welcome relief. you are forgiven
Lynne B., Tampa FL., USofA, I, for no other reason than spite, did touch all the meat in the refrigerator at work. I first went to the bathroom and my fingers tore through the toilet paper on the first swipe. I then opened every package in the cold box and mushed my palms all through them. I know Brenda would be very upset to know of my sin against the typing pool and I beg forgiveness from you because you are the only one I know that doesn't give a shit. HEYOU, am I forgiven? sometimes, the daily stress of work and dealing with assholes all day leads us to confusion and the need to strike out. i see your tirade as nothing more than the venting of the stress that would otherwise lead you to more damaging habits, such as alcohol, drugs, daytime tv, or showing up at work with weapons locked and loaded. just keep an eye out for the onset of illness in your co-workers. should you be the one that somehow guesses that food poisoning is the cause of your idiot boss's illness, you may be in for a raise and/or promotion. you go, girl! you are forgiven
Tina, Pennsylvania, I feel so horrible. I've done wrong and I need to get it off my chest. Here goes...I broke into a McDonald's playground at midnight with my former boyfriend and made quite a mess in the ball pit. I feel sorry for all those little kids who have to wonder who spilled sticky cream all over their toys. Can I be forgiven?? being as you didn't do any real damage to the playground, i can't see any real reason for you to worry about spilling sticky cream over the balls. i would suggest that next time, don't take your ice cream into the playground when you play. you are forgiven
Mikey N., Fort Collins, CO., Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have bad gas and I blame it on my dog. My roommates believe me and I feel that my dog might be understanding what I'm doing. He is a good dog and never did anything to me. Please father forgive me of my sins or help me with my gas problem. Amen. your gas is not a problem, it's a gift. a little way of reminding everyone around you that you are still in the room. even though your dog may well be aware of your blame, he interprets it as attention and he digs that. be a man, stand tall, and be proud of your gas. you are forgiven
debra k., jacksonville florida, Please be gentle God for it has been a very long time since my last confession. I am not the puriest of woman Lord. I am a 34 year old harlot if I may dare say. I enjoy the touch of strange men. I yearn for total strangers to use me for the whore I am. I cannot get enough. Please call me and help me---904-220-####... I am a true blonde with blue eyes and can entertain at my place here at ### foxharbor dr...Please call me and help me--anybody.. the person that set debra up is funny, but i'll call debra, just in case she's for real. you are forgiven
Skyler, Ohio, While my boyfriend was on a trip to Wisconsin, I took a guy to his (The absent bf's) house and committed the sin of lechery and adultery....but he turned out to be an alcoholic and so the story has a mundane ending. I umm...also spit in a man's drink today at work. Forgive me father. the lechery and adultery i can understand, after all, the bf was away and he didn't take you. he also failed to put you in a cage as a man should do with his woman when he plans to be away from her for any amount of time. it's all your bf's fault. as for spitting in a drink, how does that differ from french kissing? you basically french kissed the guy. you are forgiven
kilikini, Wailuku, Hawaii, Forgive me for I have sinned. I have never been to confession before - - not being Catholic. . . This morning I committed the worst sin of my life and thusly I feel the need to confess. I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and consumed about three beers by 6:30. Wobbling over to my computer, I logged online and found this horrible, incredibly twisted, sick and evil site about bridge jumpers. I laughed my ass off. i see no sin committed here. get another beer. get me one too. you are forgiven
coop, Forgive me heyou for I have sinned. It's been 33 years since my last confession. I have eaten someone else's chocolate at work and I spend entirely too much time watching tv. Well that's about it, whew do I feel better. not exactly the confession of a god's dream. mundane and boring, it is obvious you have no life. that is the real sin here and for that, you are forgiven