• merry christmas 2010 •


   hello and welcome to my 2010 'christmas card substitution web page'. i wasn't going to do it this year, then todd complained, "but what about the hidden page?". so here it is, you can blame todd.
   as much as christmas has lost it's meaning to some, it never ceases to amaze me how the whole concept agonizes so many. every year we hear how increasingly politically incorrect christmas is. stores wish you "happy holidays" as if they would be fired if "merry christmas" passed their lips. perhaps they would be. schools put on "holiday programs", so as not to offend the select few that may possibly be offended, yet close up shop during this forbidden holiday. they call it "winter break". as a people, we are told to be tolerant and accept others for their beliefs. that is, until christmas rears it's christian head, then all bets are off. when did we acquire the right to not be offended?
   personally, i have no affinity for the season or the reason. it is what it is. people can continue to stress over the whole gifting and getting process, but i will go along for the ride in the hopes everyone just gets along and maybe there will be a buffet. after all, childhood memories should be filled with the joys and traditions of christmases past, when the days leading up to it just take too long to pass. as adults, we tend to forget these things and focus on more important adult worries.
   so merry christmas to you, here's a gift card, and can you pass me a plate? hey, just kidding, this platter will do fine.
   do have a great christmas or whatever other holiday you wish to honor. be it kwanzaa, hanukkah, or boxing day, do enjoy. cousin tom has chosen festivus. i think i will too.
   may 2011 bring all of us a better sense of stability in what we want in family and country. after all, they say we're all toast in 2012 anyway.
   again, work hard, save your money, and stop buying crap from china. get back in touch with those you've grown apart. call someone before they call you. smile at people. stock up on food.
   ...and stop sending cards with glitter on them! my floor looks like i had strippers over for lunch. in closing, why don't i have strippers over for lunch!?
have a great christmas and a happy new year.


yours, until you need something,
mike "mr. christmas" straub
 

wtf?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
if naughty and/or humorous images hurt your brain,
do not scroll down any further.
you may now close this page.
do have a merry christmas.

 
 
 
 
 
 

behold the pork nativity. it's the other white jesus.
 

rudolph the red nippled reindeer.
 
 
 
 

with three adorable baby animals to impale!


spear deadly koalas!


hours of family impaling fun!
no cute baby animals are harmed while playing with this real toy.


impale a mime. as well you should.
this real toy is not suitable for children under three.
children four and above? totally suitable!


you're next, mom and dad!


hey kids, bored with impaling cute little animals and your parents?
it's unicorn vs. narwhal!
now with 'magical battle horns'!


watch as they outpace each other, ready to battle!


it's on, stupid a-hole unicorn!


kiss my ass, narwhal!
this real toy makes the perfect gift this christmas.
don't be bad parents, buy all three sets today!
unnecessary batteries, not included.
 
 

have a great holiday!
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