hello and welcome to my first annual christmas card substitution web page. i'd be lying if i said i wanted to send out cards. i don't. there are so few cards that really convey the warm and fuzzy feeling i have for this time of year. i say warm and fuzzy in lieu of a less favorable description. i'm not going to rant and rave about:
• how christmas has been hijacked by black booted thugs, in disguise of retailers and credit card companies scrambling to separate you from every dollar you have now and will have to pay later for all the crap you really could do without buying, by laying so much guilt on you if you don't, all starting sometime in august when it's still 95° with 150% humidity. <take a breath here>
• no matter how much you spend, it won't be enough. everyone wants just one thing: more.
• how everyone is so focused on what the christmas season is really all about and will treat you with a kind smile as you wrestle the last 'tickle me stinkin' elmo' from their slimy little hands.
• how political correctness has not effected christmas at all. uh huh.
• how it's ok i have never seen "a christmas story" past 30 minutes or any of "it's a wonderful life" or "miracle on 34th street". stop trying to make me watch those.
no, i made this page to pass along a few laughs in what seems to be a time of year people may well enjoy, yet seem relieved when it's over. yeah well, all that plus the no sending cards thing.
any gift you give or receive is nothing compared to the time you spend with those you know and love. after all, no matter how much time you have, it's running out. we scramble our lives away chasing happiness at all cost, yet rarely realize that happiness is right there within us. things don't make us happy, we make us happy. sure, things have their place in our lives, just don't be ruled by your things.
forget the heartbreaks and petty issues you have with those you know and make this holiday one to remember by giving yourself to those that you love or should love. perhaps you need to make amends with others and start letting go of the crap baggage you have been dragging around longer then you can remember. now is always the time to do it. we each live our lives making mistakes and screwing up one thing or another. that's just the way it is. understand this and accept that at times, we hurt those that love us the most and get hurt by them as well. let it go. forgive and forget. move ahead and make the most of the time you have left. if they can't be as accommodating, then you need to separate yourself from them, as they obviously don't love you as you thought they did and their sole joy seems to come from dragging you down. friend, family, or stranger, none have a right to cause you continued pain and sorrow. let them go. only you can help yourself and only they can help themselves. you gave it a shot, move along, buh bye. besides, everyone around you is tired of hearing about it. put an end to it, starting now.
there, i didn't have to buy last year's after christmas buy-one-get-one-free boxes of left over cards that no one else wanted and write out endless blah blah on each one. i only had to write it out once right here. yes, it's one less card you get to hang on your card string, but one less card you need to walk to the trash accommodation on the 26th. not to mention the 39¢ postage i saved on each one i didn't mail. sweet, more money for things that make me happy!
here below you will find several bits of christmas humor you may or may not find humorous. i'm sure some of you won't appreciate all this. some won't like any of it. sad. anyway, i still love you and i'm sorry in advance, please forgive me. seems a bit 'butt' heavy too. there is a warning where the content gets more adult. if your head tends to explode at the sight of mild nudity or naughty humor, heed the warning below.
oh yeah, if you send me a card, please don't sign someone else's name on it. if they don't have the time to sign it, i'm ok with that, the 'i don't want to sign his damn card' lazy slob.
have a great christmas and a happy new year...
yours periodically,
mike "mr. christmas" straub
this page may load slow due to content.
at this point, it's somewhat hopeless with a dial-up.
go grab a nap, another eggnog, and/or a cable modem.
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just to be safe, send the following to people you know, so as to not offend anyone:
my dear friends,
i'd like to send you a politically correct seasonal acknowledgement. please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice (with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others or their choice not to practice such traditions at all).
furthermore, i offer my (non-binding) best wishes for the onset of the generally accepted calendar year of 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make the united states great. (which is not to imply that usa is any greater than any other country).
these wishes are offered without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, choice of computer platform or sexual preference of the wishee.
happy (if happiness is in your belief system) holidays (if you recognize them)
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